Funny flooring story’s

Discussion in 'General Flooring Chat' started by dazlight, Mar 28, 2020.

  1. dazlight

    dazlight Super Moderator

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    So back in about 1994 I was working on a refurb house with a mate.
    we were doing downstairs in vinyl tiles and the upstairs bathroom in Polysafe.
    In the back garden was a few lads doing the pebble dashing.

    I was desperate for a shite but as the toilet had a sign on saying don’t use the toilet I kept it in from 8am. It got to 12 ish and I couldn’t hold it it any more.

    So had one and flushed the toilet. Within a minute there was loud banging on the door.
    A big Irish man was shouting at us “ have you just had a shite “in a angry voice. I thought he was going to kill me as I come down the stairs. I said no mate I’m doing the bathroom floor and it stunk as someone must of had a shite in there so I flushed it.
    Irish man “ didn’t you see the sign I left lad “ me - no mate no sign there. To which he run up the stairs to look then said someone put it in the bath.
    He then said look out the window. The wastepipe outside wasn’t connected at all so on the floor was a massive pile of shit.
    He then got the site agent to clean it thank god lol
     
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  2. Neilydun

    Neilydun Well-Known Member

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    We were working on a clothing store, stick down all over carpet.
    I had briefed all the staff, and put some masking tape up, blocking off an area, before gluing out.
    Started blacking out, and this guy broke through the tape. I shout out 'hold on mate' he said sorry im coming through.
    He made about 4 steps, slipped and landed fully in the F3, with his long hair fully covered in adhesive.
    Pissed myself laughing, right in his face. Twat
     
  3. Rugmunching

    Rugmunching Well-Known Member

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    Similar one to Daz's...

    Used to pair up with a mate yrs ago and we were doing a house that was being fully refurbed and this lad was a 8 - 10 can of stella a night sort, every morning I'd pick him up he would complain he needed a stella dump few miles down the road so I told him he may aswell hold it in until we got to the job. 20 mins later we reached and he shot upstairs as he was literally busting...

    I'm getting all my bits out the van and he's come bombing back down "black bag black bag, theres no water in the toilet so I'm gonna have to line the toilet with a black bag then dump it"
    Anyway 10mins pass and the owner pops in on the way through seeing if we ok, wanted coffee etc and I could hear my mate shuffling around panicking thinking he was going to go up stairs, owner then shoots off and my mates come out all rosey cheeked telling me it was the best ever bla bla so I asked him where did he put the bag and he told me he threw it out the window in a panic so was on his way round the back to pick it up.

    Few mins later hes come back to the front asking if theres any ladders anywhere to which I'm asking him what for but he's ran round the back again so I just left him to it. I've gone into the kitchen munching on my flapjack then all a sudden heard a right crunch and like a high pitched scream to then see my mate on the conservatory floor like he'd been ran over....turns out when he threw the bag out the window upstairs he missed the side alley and it landed directly on the roof of the conservatory and the div didnt realise some roofs just ain't as strong as others whilst climbing up there :D wish I'd got a picture of him all laid up but I was literally in tears, he had the right ar*e! Hahahaha still gets me now just thinking about it.

    Managed to get the bag off the roof and we had to make the story up of how the broken roof was already like it when we got there.
     
  4. stan1191

    stan1191 Well-Known Member

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    ive got a few little ones, ill start chronologically

    Was about 10 years old, out to learn with my dad around catford way, we was in a ground floor flat and this helicopter landed in the park behind which wasnt normal, customer slid his patio door open and walked out and the entire thing just fell in slowmotion onto the back of him as i watched like a rabbit in headlights without saying anything.

    Fast forward to about 16, helping my dad with a little caravan park contract we had, i was spraying the hallway and we had checked all the gas etc was off as these were just sitting to be sold, what we didnt know was a gas man was going round and checking them and he had left a pilot light on, so im spraying this hallway and catch the pilot light, woooosh up the hallway goes in a flame trickling through the caravan, singed all my eyebrows chest and arm hairs as i had a vest on and i ran out the caravan with just a yelp and my dads come out the bedroom trying to stamp the flames out wondering whats going on :D:D:D.

    When i worked with my dad he had a family friends son who worked with him for 10 years, pulled over on the m3 to go a pee and it was packed with traffic that had started to slow, started pulling away and his trying to run after us with trousers round his ass.

    About 18 On a site at watercolours near redhill, flash shower that was very heavy, looked out the window to see a largeish young lady with a big pair of melons, running from her car only for them to both slip out :rolleyes:

    Around 22 at this point, working late on a load of flats in sutton,had 180 sqms to knock out in a day prep and fit, im in 1 flat fitting and my younger brothers in another underlaying infront of me, i can hear him calling my name in a panic so i get the door open and pop my head outside to see him running from door to door like a scooby doo scene with his eyes shut, his sprayed himself in the face with the adhesive :D

    Last year one of my brothers farted which turned out not to be a fart and then instead of going and trying to sort it out in the site toilet decided he would just sit in my van, other one was bursting for a toilet and the site office was a good mile walk so he tried to go in the toilet, as he started to let go whilst undoing his work trousers a button got stuck and.. some of it didnt make it into the toilet ahaha :eek:

    probably more but its all i can think off right now,lots of times we've made sales or site agents look stupid, one time a saled lady accused us of walking tar into the carpet and went and got a site manager to grass us up, was actually a bit of pickle from a sandwich that had fell out of the lunchbox as we tidied up, cleaned it up before she came back with an agent and he had to take her back out like she was insane
     
  5. Samson

    Samson Well-Known Member

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    A few years ago when I was working as a full time carpet fitter for a very large and well known department store with my experienced mate, we were sent to install an expensive tartan Axminster to a kitchen/diner area for a well known multi-millionaire. I began to adhere pinless gripperrods, cut into thirds to the perimeter of the solid floor with a hot melt gun after sealing the area of adhesion with spray adhesive. My mate had just finished carrying in the combination felt/crumb rubber underlay, and began to fit this to the diner area as I continued sticking gripper toward the kitchen.


    Somehow I knocked over the can of spray adhesive which rolled over some gripper and got punctured. Glue shot out of it like a gun, and before I could even react, made contact with the Aga cooker behind me which was red hot and ignited this spraying adhesive. As I stood up, the spray can then became like a huge firework sending flames five feet into the air. I asked my mate for a piece of underlay and in a panic he picked up an offcut about a foot square. I looked about the room for a larger piece and grabbed a part roll, unrolled it and threw it over the can.


    While this stopped the flames rising vertically, they subsequently shot out sideways in two directions, and so I used my feet to flip the felt over, standing directly over the muffled can and stamping the felt flat. As the flames stopped, and we could hear the can running out of its fuel, I realised that one leg of my jeans was on fire, and I quickly patted the flames out with my hand.


    Through all of this, my mate Tony had frozen solid with his eyes wide open and had just stood there and watched, in utter disbelief or denial of what was happening. He reminded me of a story I was once told of someone who had been in a fire and couldn't even bring himself to get out of his chair to save himself due to being incapacitated with terror.


    I asked him to open the window, and I threw this bundle of burned underlay outside. Then we opened the rear kitchen door and carried the felt over the garden to the van. As we placed the scorched mess in the van, we looked at each other, sighed in relief, and then uncontrollable gallows laughter hit us. It took about three minutes before we could compose ourselves and re-enter the house.


    Minute particles of burned fibres of felt underlay had become airborne and were floating all around the room, and we had to leave both the window and door open in an attempt to remove them. Twenty minutes later as I was laying the carpet, the customer popped her head through the door from the hall way to see how we were doing, and asked:


    "What's that funny smell?"


    "Oh, it's just off the adhesives we have to use to stick the gripperrods." I replied.
     
  6. Neilydun

    Neilydun Well-Known Member

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  7. Joe Singleton

    Joe Singleton Well-Known Member

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    One of my old mans stories because it’s better than any of mine
    Driving down the A19 back towards M’Boro with two lads in the front and another lad following directly behind on his scooter, wind the window down and start flicking Ardurapid out the window at him, can see him shaking his head trying to get it off. Anyway keep going and his helmets fully grey and it starts pissing down safe to say he wasn’t happy when we pulled over, everyone else was in pieces


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  8. Glenn H

    Glenn H Well-Known Member

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    Short version.
    X3 bed flat in Camden, full prep with carpet so had the van loaded to max with rubber underlay etc.
    Drove into underground car park.... once all the materials were used, guess what... the van wouldnt go under the height restrictions...

    Like a cartoon scene with impeccable timing I said we need to find a large person.... enter the largest man I've ever seen who was walking surprisingly un aided! I MEAN LARRRRRRGE!! then had to politely ask him to borrow his weight to get under the barrier.... it worked out well ;)
     
  9. merit

    merit Well-Known Member

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    We got a call from a customer who was desperate for a lounge and bedroom carpet to be fitted. They had just moved in and already had the felt back carpet there. Thinking it would be a very quick job on the way home I said we would do it the following afternoon. So we walk in and it appears they had the old diy self adhesive vinyl tiles stuck down all over the floor and for some unknown reason they had decided to uplift them all just before we arrived. The floor was completely covered in what can only be described as fly trap style adhesive!

    I knew this was gonna be a complete nightmare but thought we’re here now let’s give it a go. First bedroom went down after a lot of cursing, glue spraying, shoe losing...but it was only small so we got there. By the time we got to the lounge the spray adhesive had taken full effect and the job had become so ridiculous I was losing my marbles.
    The glue was so strong we were both walking around like robots, every time you take one step you have to break your next foot free. I’ve never walked on glue like it. Shoes kept coming off, couldn’t move the carpet on it at all.. all the time the customer stood there watching us trying to fit it. She’s saying are you boys ok...I’m crying with laughter the whole time, I couldn’t even speak to her. After a couple of minutes it sets her off and we’re all laughing at each other like a bunch of nutters.
    Some of the moves we were pulling off trying to walk around that lounge would of slipped straight into the thriller music video. I’m sure the spray adhesive helped with the mood.




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  10. Samson

    Samson Well-Known Member

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    Remembered another one:


    Was working with another fitter and my same experienced helper Tony about 20 years ago. It was a two day job and so we fitted half the gripper with gripfill allowing it to dry for a day. Tony used to smoke a lot and rolled his own cigarettes. While we took a coffee break, I told him that the gripfill reacts to tobacco smoke like a catalyst, meaning that it causes it to go off immediately. So I asked him to light up a fag and blow some smoke onto the bottom of the gripperods that he had placed in the gripfill so that we could fit some of the carpets later that same day.


    He completely fell for this and went next door to complete the task. A minute or two later the customer came in and we asked him to come and observe our mate. The three of us peeped through the door into the room, and here was this guy on his knees drawing on his fag, then bending down a foot from the gripper with lips open a tiny bit and blowing the smoke in a perfectly thin line right along a meter length of gripperrods at a time. The customer burst into hysterics and we soon followed. Tony was ~~~~~~~ furious.
     

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